Journal #8

Analyzing and finding errors in Essay One:

 I traveled through the country gaining knowledge of my culture, and making life-long friendships, but one day in particular stood out the most.

Correct Sentence: I traveled through the country gaining knowledge of my culture and making life-long friendships. But one day in particular stood out the most.

Analyzing this essay allowed me to go back, and relive the time I spent in Israel.

Correct Sentence: Analyzing this essay allowed me to go back and relive the time I spent in Israel.

When analyzing my essay I submitted to the University of Arizona in the Fall of 2009, I took a few things into consideration. 

Correction: I think that learning from "Rules for Writing" this is a run on sentence and has so much information all piled into one. I would have deleted "in the Fall of 2009"

Although I wanted to impress my readers with strong writing and a mature paper, I wanted to show the university who I was as a person.

Correction: I think combining it into all one would have gotten more to the point and sounded more organized. For example..

"I wanted to impress my readers with a mature paper and show the university who I was as a person." I took out "strong writing" but it was unnecessary

These words in particular described the village because it was important for me to get across to the readers at the University of Arizona.

Correction: unnecessary to put "University of Arizona"

I think the tone is strong and aggressive because of the attitude sending. 

Correction: TOTALLY WRONG!

* I think my attitude is sending a strong and aggressive tone

When writing this essay for college acceptance I didn’t notice the theme until analyzing my paper

Correction: Unnecessary to put "for college acceptance"

My readers should know by then that was my main topic!

Another example of clothing as a wide theme through out my paper, was the immediate culture shock of when I had stepped off the bus into the Ethiopian Village.

Correction: Clothing, a wide theme through out my paper, was shown through the immediate culture shock I had when stepping into the Ethiopian Village.

**fixed to make more organized

My essay written for admissions to the University of Arizona was the perfect way to show the real experience I had in Israel and the way I found a cultural identity.

Correction: My essay written for admissions to the University of Arizona was the perfect way to show the real Israel experience of how I found my cultural identity.

*fixed to make more organized

With out Adina, I wouldn’t have gained as much as I did as an individual who is extremely proud of Judaism. 

Correction: "As in proud and jewish individual, I wouldn't have gained as much as I did with out Adina.

*fixed to make more organized

Overall, I think Hackers book of "Rules for Writing" can help me with the little things such as grammer, punction, and how to form my sentences correctly. But even going back and over analyzing this essay allowed me to see careless mistakes that is talked about in "Rules for Writing" I enjoyed this blog post and seeing what I could have done to make my essay even better. And reading "Rules for Writing" is always extra helpful!

Journal #7

When reading Michael Lassell's poem "How to watch your brother die" seemed more of a poem about opening up about your sexuality more then the death aspect of the poem. I enjoy talking a lot about this topic because I think it is important for all people to open up about their sexuality. Why hide who you are?
I think that the narrator didn't really look into it all that much and was very unaware of his brother's sexuality. I also think that overall, the situation was uncomfortable weather they were around each other, the  brother's wife, or the kids. Clearly us readers were able to feel the tension between the two and the situation overall. He didn't really know how his wife would feel about him being around his brother who is homosexual. She also portrayed an attitude of the gay brother being around the young kids.
I think the hospital part was most important and really brought it all into perspective for the brother. He walked in and saw his brother laying in the hospital bed being comforted by his partner/lover. I think that at that point, life or death, fake or real, he was able to accept his brother for who he was put the difference aside as he laid there about to go.
The clip we watched in class that most stood out to me was the seven year old girl who was once a little boy. I thought that like the brother watching his brother go, he was able to put the sexuality in the past. And like that, this little girl was talking so maturely about being different and saying it is all ok.

JOURNAL #6

After seeing all the groups present their advertisement, I think I now view commercials differently. Since class on Wednesday I feel like every time I see a new commercial I analyze it and think what that company is really trying to get across to the viewers. I think one of my favorite groups and commercials shown on class on Wednesday was the pepsi vs. coke commercial. I thought it was so neat how they found almost identical commercials but years apart. I thought the group really broke down the meaning and appeals of the commercials which I found so entertaining.


I chose the American Airlines commercial "late nate" because I thought it was funny, appealing, and had a good story behind it. Nate is late to everything, but he is in a situation at work where he needs to make his flight and cannot be late. I thought American Airlines did a great job by showing all the personal experiences in Nate's life and then at the end having it all come together. It was showing that Nate was early and chose to fly with the best. I think the main argument the company is trying to make is that flying with another airline other then American Airlines wont allow you to have the fast service that Nate got. I think they are trying to prove a point to their audience that American Airlines is the best choice and even though Nate tends to be late with everything he does, american airlines helped him be early and make his flight. Also, it helps make their company stand out and makes a clearer argument when they show the other crowded line at the airport. It also has a strong emotional appeal because since its a commercial it helps portray imagery and makes the argument stand out with personal experiences and strong evidence.

I really enjoyed this assignment and I think its important for us to sometimes think outside the box and try and see what commercials, ads, and the media are trying to show us.

JOURNAL #5

When reading both Sloans text in the book and online, I found a few things that made a significant difference. First, I felt that although the pictures really helped me see the images I was trying to portray in my head, it also caught me off guard and got me distracted from time to time. I really liked seeing exactly what she was describing, but to me reading a book with no pictures allows you to use your imagination more and paint a different picture even if its off of the subject. I think it makes it more imaginative and fun when I compared both because the picture I painted in my head was not exactly what she showed in the actual photos. Also, the links made it hard for me to keep track and continue to read. I always found myself going back to the links and then loosing my spot in the text. On another note, reading a text of just writing it is hard to keep an interest in the story and plot of what you are reading. I think that the hypertext allowed me to keep an interest in what I was reading by reviewing the links, and pictures so that my mind didn't wander off in another direction. I think that both texts were effective in the way that they both got the point across, just used their format differently.

a cultural experience

Without having English class the past week and half, I didn't get many questions answered. I was unaware as to why we had to meet Wednesday afternoon in a completely different building then usual. Eager to find out what we were up to next I walked into the CESL for the first time. I overheard a teacher point to a chinese speaking student and say "we are meeting in room 203 today," which caught me off gaurd because that was the class I was told to go to. I walked in to find not only my classmates but a bunch of students who were in a different position then most of us. They had each traveled to Tucson from their home country excited to learn more and more about English, writing, and the American culture. They were completely outside their elements and comfort zone much like how I felt on my trip to Israel. We were paired up with a student where we interviewed each other and where I got to play a short role as a teacher. I was first paired up with Bardi. He was so excited when interviewing me and showing me how good his grammar and punctuation really was. I was truly impressed. I just kept thinking that if I was in his position I would be not only be stressed about learning a new language, but also about being so far. So as class went on, I tried putting myself in his shoes. I am currently in Spanish 102, where I feel completely out of my comfort zone, not to mention my family is in Dallas as I am miles away from them too. I might not be as far as Bardi, but it was exciting to see him so happy about English. We were handed a piece of paper with a variety of questions to ask one another, but one question really stood out to me. I asked "What about your upbringings made you the person you were today?" He answered the influence of his parents. I think it was kind of real and cool to see that even though he was brought up in Saudi Arabia and I was brought up in Dallas, Texas, we both had the same upbringings as younger men and women. I think it was a great experience to switch up class for that day and do something that was meaning full to me. I think I made a new friend, and learned a lot about culture within one class period.

-Haylee